Transparent Living

I just returned home from a refreshing visit with a girlfriend. Our kids are close in age and they play well together making a play date fun for both children and adults.

What made this particular visit wonderful wasn’t the delicious and healthy snack she served. (Although she did make a wonderful applesauce cake and I came home with the recipe.) What made this visit wonderful was the honesty shared between us.

We openly discussed potty training, controversial discipline, frustration and even the dreaded yelling that clamors up our throats and burst through our lips at the end of an exhausting day.

We shared a chuckle when we admitted that we each thought the other had it all together all the time. Clearly, from the outside looking in, our homes and families seem perfect.

I felt a whole lot better about a whole lot of things as I walked home with my kids. I’m not the only mother that struggles with yelling. I’m not the only mother that goes to bed discouraged and frustrated. I’m not the only mother that wishes every day was easier, instantly rewarding, and totally fulfilling.

I suspect most mothers struggle with feelings of failure. Sadly, many women refuse to be transparent in these struggles.

There could be many reasons for this lack of transparency. In order to be transparent, I need to feel safe. I need to believe the person with whom I am sharing will not judge me for my actions. I need this person to be more than a casual acquaintance or a co-worker. They need to be my friend. You cannot force an intimacy like this.

Building a friendship that supports this kind of vulnerability requires a serious investment of time. It also requires a certain level of humility. It’s difficult to admit a perceived failure. It is especially difficult to admit it to someone who appears to handle life with ease.

I feel very fortunate to have a small circle of friends who welcome this kind of honesty from me. Today that circle enlarged a little bit more.

2 thoughts on “Transparent Living

  1. Laura says:

    Stacey, this message really hits home for me. Being able to share openly with another person (especially outside of your immediate family)within the context of trust and acceptance is a truly edifying experience.
    It breaks down the barriers of isolation, envy, and comparing to learn that we are not alone in our struggles and internal thoughts of failure, guilt, fear, pride, etc.
    Through these transparent connections with others, we learn more about them, ourselves, and what it means to be human. I really believe that the process of “self-actualization” works through our relationships- the teaching and learning that occurs when two friends can trust each other enough to lower their defences and confess their inner thoughts and actions to each other and be uplifted and encouraged by each other. Just to realize that you are not alone is enough to uplift and encourage!


    • staceyweeks says:

      You’re right Laura! Your insight always inspires me. You are wise beyond your years.
      I find it funny that the very people I compare myself too often don’t have the life I imagined they did. Everyone struggles in some area or another.


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