As I write today’s post I can’t help but wonder if later today, my optimistic spirit will be crushed. You see, I am a “glass is half full” kind of girl. I always have been. But later today I will pitch my book to the publishing house I prefer. This project of five years in the making has been a source of great joy, huge frustration, and character shaping opportunities.
My stomach dances as I wait for 1:00 pm. The time of day I am scheduled to speak with my editor. The time of day that I will learn if all my work, prayers, and hopes will come to fruition.
Of course, I hope the editor will want to see the whole book, or at least ask for a proposal or synopsis Anything but the feared – thanks, but no thanks. But if I hear those dreaded words will this optimistic girl make lemonade from the shriveled dream?
Right now, I honestly don’t know. I hope so. I pray so. But the butterflies remind me of how important this is to me. How much I have invested.
How about you? How do you respond when the answer is no? Not maybe, or perhaps – giving you a thread of hope to cling to. How do you respond to a flat-out NO? How do you handle the crushing disappointment?
I’m trying to prepare. I’m trying to prepare my heart for the great possibility this publishing house might not be interested in my work. I’m trying to prepare myself for the reality that we don’t all accomplish our dreams, that sometimes those dreams serve a greater purpose. I’m trying to dwell on all the things that God has already taught me through the delays thus far and accept that maybe, just maybe, He would be better glorified in my failure than success.
It’s not easy.
But the truth is, that’s why I’m here. I’d like to think my great purpose in life is more about me and my goals, but it’s not. More than being a writer, more than being a “success” (as I define the word), I am here to bring glory to God. That is my purpose. That is YOUR purpose too.
I hope I might accomplish this purpose through publishing novels that direct people toward Him and unashamedly proclaim His name. And there is nothing wrong with this dream or the desire. And there is nothing wrong with continuing to try if this pitch doesn’t work out. But first and foremost, I am here to glorify Him in both success and failure.
So now, as I hope for victory but prepare for disappointment, may my response glorify His name. If I can do that, then a dried-up, sour experience will make the most sweet tasting lemonade.
UPDATE: I wrote this post yesterday, and pitched yesterday afternoon. The publishing house has asked for a full proposal from me – which excites me beyond belief!