A few years back I started praying for my husband in a new way. I still prayed for his health, to feel fulfilled, for time management, and for his spiritual life, but there was also a new focus.
I prayed for God to stretch him. To challenge him. To give him an even greater desire for HIs Word. I prayed that God would shape him into a leader that glorifies God.
I prayed and watched, and watched and prayed. Every time Kevin said something about how God was working in him, a bolt of excitement zipped through me. God heard my prayers.
But then, He answered in a way I never expected.
I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t like where God was leading Kevin, who, in turn, was leading our family to follow. Negativity rushed through me.
I will not uproot our kids and move to another country.
I will not leave our wonderful church family.
I will not spend an entire year in constant transition.
I. Will. Not.
I am so ashamed.
I still remember the day I wrestled with God over submission. He so very clearly revealed His will. I cried. (Actually, I sobbed.) I voiced all my fears. I listed all the thing I loved about our current season of life, then one by one I gave them back to God.
I left that encounter both shattered and encouraged—forever changed.
And here we are, less than six months later, living in another country, having said good-bye to a wonderful church family, and in the midst of a year of transitions. All the fears I felt have dissipated and I see this season of life as a wonderful blessing.
How many people get four months off from the daily grind? Yes, I still have lunches to make, clothing to wash and meals to cook. But I have less house to maintain, none of our personal clutter distracting me, all three kids in school and entire days available to devote to knowing God better.
I left my habits at home and committed this time to learning new ways.
We are eating cleaner (I am constantly researching new recipes to aid this desire).
We are far more physically active now that the only schedule we need to work around is Kevin’s training schedule (I’m not working and the kids are not in various programs).
And most importantly, we are more focused on praising God and hearing from Him than ever before. I can feel God peeling back layers of restraint and releasing me into sweet times of worship. An increasing desire to be available and used by Him grows.
God made seemingly impossible things possible.
God blessed me through the very things I feared.
God worked in me, in spite of me, and is not only continuing to answer my prayer for Kevin, but is shaping and molding me into the woman He desires.
Thank you God for not giving up on me.
Thank you God for not allowing my stubborn heart to remain hard.
Thank you God.
What I saw as a trial, was Your mercy in disguise.