“Why would my other mom give me away?”
My heart breaks like it did when his sister asked the same question a few years ago. Raw emotion surges through me as I fumble to answer questions no child should ever have to ask.
But, she asked back then, and he asks now.
This is a hurt that I cannot take away. I feel incredibly inadequate. Overwhelmingly unable.
God is Good
We speak of God’s goodness and our broken world. We discuss God’s sovereignty, and how He takes what man planned for evil and uses it for good. We discuss a heart torn in two, between what is, and what might have been, and how our God is bigger than both. We affirm His love, His plan and how He never defaults to plan “B” because plan “A” ALWAYS works.
Like his sister did, he smiles, satisfied for now, and I tuck him in.
Then I cry.
God, you are my God, and You are their God. You created each one of my children in their mother’s womb. You knit them together and planned all their days before one of them was lived. I believe You have a plan for their life that is good. I believe that they can wrestle these questions down and that you will not leave them floundering. I believe that the answer to every question is You. May each one of my children turn to You. Make they seek You. May they find satisfaction in You.
Draw them near. Make their childlike faith come alive like never before. Reveal Yourself to them. You are enough.
Remove all fear and fill them with Your peace that passes understanding. Remove all doubt and fill them with certainty. May their adoption stories be bigger than their adoption into our family, but include their adoption into Your family. May they see this as beautiful and precious and part of your perfect plan. May Your truth penetrate their heart as Your glory meets their suffering.
And then I cry some more.
I am inadequate. Blessedly inadequate. But my God is more than enough. He is more than enough for me, and more than enough for my children. And despite wishing it could be easier, despite wishing I could carry this burden for them and take away their hurts, I submit to the will of One greater than me.
And it is well with my soul.