It’s the call every parent fears. There’s been an accident. Time moved too slowly and too quickly. The flashing lights. A totalled vehicle. A flood of emotions. Things are replaceable. People are not.
It was two days later that the anger hit.
It snuck in as a delayed response to trauma. I didn’t know—or expect—that I would be angry.
The Many Faces of Anger
I was angry about a mistake that could have cost a life. Angry about the stress and anxiety it introduced. Maybe even angry at God for letting it happen. Even this, I knew, was grief working its way out in me. But the knowledge didn’t bring instant relief. I still needed to find a healthy way to process my anger, but I didn’t want to deal with it. Not really. It was easier to feel angry than afraid of how quickly life can change and how powerless I am to stop it.
How Does a Person Stop Feeling Something?
Anger is a complicated emotion. Underneath its umbrella pulsed the specifics driving my feelings. I felt vulnerable, overwhelmed, and anxious. These all manifested as anger. I reached out to my community and asked them to join me in praising the Lord for physical protection and praying against sinful fear taking hold. I shared my coping strategy (I was doing the things I knew I was responsible for doing and praying over the things I had no control over).
As I did this, doubt whispered in my ear, “What good is this? It won’t help. Nothing will change.”
The Enemy is a Liar
In case you didn’t know it yet, the enemy is a liar. It was good. It did help. And I changed.
I have no way to explain the peace that slowly descended over my heart except to declare God is good, gracious, and full of mercy. As I continued to widen the circle of people praying, the consequences were not removed. The circumstances didn’t change, but the prayer changed me. I confessed my vulnerability to the Lord and focused on His immutable, unchanging, and loving character. I admitted to feeling overwhelmed but declared I would trust in my almighty, omnipotent provider. I gave God my anxiety and received from Him comfort. I was changed. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).
Less than one week later, I’m relieved to say the anger is gone. When those underlying emotions try to creep back in, I remind myself who God is. And because I know the character of God, I can give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18).