Most resolutions fail because they focus on cleaning the outside of the cup—behavior modification—without dealing with the internal factors that fuel our actions. True and lasting change goes much deeper, to that which drives everything else—our good habits and bad, our acts of love and sin, and our fears and our faith.
God revealed this truth to me decades ago when I was battling what seemed like an unconquerable eating disorder and intense emotions that often felt out of control. I went to church on Sundays and sang about the all-encompassing grace of Christ, determining to love others like He loved me, only to snap at my daughter, gossip about a friend, and get into an ugly fight with my husband once home. I was a mess, as was my marriage and some of my closest friendships. I knew I needed to live differently if I wanted to experience the joy and peace Christ promised, if I wanted to be the “new creation” Scripture proclaimed. (2 Cor. 5:17).
“Lord, help me, please,” I cried, night after night, making all sorts of promises to Him and myself. The next I day would be different. I’d be more loving, kinder. I’d use words that built up rather than tore others down and wouldn’t get so caught up with the bathroom scale or what I consumed. I’d read my Bible and pray more.
I developed quite a list of dos and don’ts, habits I wanted to incorporate and those I wanted to drop, and a strong desire to follow through. And if I tried hard, if I remained focused on my goals, I could reach them … for a few days, a week, sometimes even a month.
But I never found freedom.
Then one night, after having broken my vows yet again, I poured my heart out to God. I felt so weak, like such a failure. I remained there for some time, tears streaming down my face as all my flaws replayed through my mind. But then God shined His light deep into my soul, revealing the roots of my behaviors and why I wasn’t living in the victory Christ had already won for me.
My battle wasn’t over what I did or didn’t eat, say or do. My problem stemmed from my heart: misplaced loves. Idolatry of myself. Turning to food, entertainment, or shopping for comfort instead of pursuing the soul-deep healing that can only come from Christ.
That was a life-changing moment for me that I’ve never forgotten, one that has radically changed my goals. Because I know, if my heart is right and fully centered on Christ, everything else will follow. (Proverbs 4:23).
Or to phrase it differently: every behavior, the positive and negative, and accidentally blurted word, flows from the heart.
Set Goals
So, here’s what I plan to focus on in the year ahead:
I will create margin in my day and week to sit quietly with my Savior, knowing anything good in me comes from Him. And I’ll learn to practice “the pause” more consistently—when I sense frustration, pride, or selfishness rising within, when anxious thoughts threaten my peace, or simply when I begin to feel fatigued. With God’s help, I’ll remember to close my eyes, to breathe deeply, and remind myself of His presence, if only for a moment, knowing every minute spent with Him fortifies my soul.
I’ll trust God to fight my battles. My all-powerful Creator handles them much better than I do, anyway. He knows everything I’m facing, all that lies ahead, and how He plans to use it all for my good and His glory.
I will learn to live in my true identity as His beloved and empowered child, because I know how identity impacts behavior. I won’t live as an orphan who must earn God’s love, who must hide from Him when I fail. Instead, I will consistently turn to Him, my tender and attentive Father, to receive mercy, strength and comfort in my time of need. (Hebrews 4:13). And I will listen for His guidance, knowing He is growing and healing me day by day and prayer by prayer.
Join me!
I invite you to join me as together, we choose growth over perfection and connecting with Christ over striving, because that is the life to which we’ve been called; the life Christ died to give us.
Consider that habit you’ve long tried to break, that behavior you’ve consistently fought against. What might God want to reveal regarding its root?
A New Year launches a new series on the blog. We spent some time in 2021 looking at our word choices, and 2022 builds on that theme to explore the fruit of the Spirit that is supposed to be evident in the believer’s life.
To prepare for the series, read Galatians 5:16-26. Paul shares two lists. One contains the desires of the flesh, and the other includes the fruit of the Spirit. Paul claims the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealously, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, and orgies. Those who do these things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Dig a Little Deeper
Sometimes when we read a list like that, our mind goes to the worst-case illustration. For example, if you’re not having sex outside the boundaries of marriage, you might skip over “sexually immoral” without considering the other applications of that choice. Being sexually moral includes monitoring more than our actions; it also means considering our thought patterns, entertainment choices, and what we allow ourselves to consume (books, movies, websites etc.). Careful examination of the desires of the flesh might reveal more than we expect about the depths of our sin.
Examine and Apply
In the upcoming series, we will look at each fruit of the Spirit and examine how it applies in real-life moments. The focus of this series is the fruit. But, first, we must acknowledge that a battle rages for our hearts. There is a war between the desires of the flesh and the desires of the Spirit, and ignoring it will not make it go away. Acknowledge which desires of the flesh are the greatest struggle for you. Start by listing each one and searching for synonyms. For example, it’s easy to think I’m not a greedy person, but when I consider selfishness as a synonym, I can better see where that sin appears in my life. Next, find the fruit of the Spirit that combats that sin. Returning to our example of sexual impurity, we could argue that the fruit of self-control would counter that sin. Once you know what fruit you need to grow to combat your specific temptations, ask the Lord to help you nourish that seed.
I’m excited about this journey we are about to take together! Look for a new post in this series on the first Thursday of every month.
Looking for more?
Grab a few friends and one of these studies and commit to growing the right kind of fruit in your life.
We are in the season of giving. It’s a great time to give the gift of forgiveness.
Undoubtedly, Jesus understood forgiveness was not just a gift for the one who needs forgiveness it is just as much a gift for the one needing to forgive.
The inability or refusal to forgive traps us in the past, stopping us from moving forward with our lives. The resentment we carry makes us prisoner to the person or incident that brought us pain.
The problem most of us have with forgiving someone who has treated us unjustly or abused us is the feeling that we’ll be letting the person off the hook or in essence saying, “What you did to me was okay or didn’t have meaning”.
“Forgiveness does not mean excusing.”
C.C. Lewis
When what it’s actually saying is, “What you did, or what happened to me was wrong – it meant something, but I’m going to forgive you anyway… because, I’ve been forgiven.”
It’s not letting the person off the hook – forgiveness is like being given the key to a prison cell and unlocking the door walking out!
Forgive as Jesus
As Christians, we understand this, because Christ forgave us, while we were undeserving and unworthy of forgiveness. And, He tells us that we should do likewise. Instructing us in the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our sins, just AS we forgive those who sin against us.” (Luke 11:4, NLT) This would indicate that our forgiveness is based upon our ability to forgive others.
I’m sure Jesus realized this often would not be an easy task.
Having had to practice what I preach, I know that it’s not.
And, I’ve ministered to and counseled with individuals who’ve been hurt in unspeakable ways – yet they found and gave the gift of forgiveness. The peace and freedom that followed were life-changing.
Someone to Trust
I use the theme of forgiveness throughout my novel Someone To Trust.In the story, Megan McCormick has suffered betrayal twice from men. She is wounded, angry and trapped in bitterness and mistrust. She’s put physical distance between her and the place where she was abandoned and betrayed, but she’s still emotionally trapped there. Her mistrust of men and guilt over past failures hinders her from stepping into a relationship with Lee, a handsome, kind Veterinarian. Only after accepting the forgiveness of her heavenly father is Megan able to forgive her earthly father and the man who broke her heart. However, her newfound freedom is put to the test when her past comes knocking. Now, there’s only one person left for her to forgive, and she struggles with this one most of all – herself. Can she give herself the gift of forgiveness and accept Lee’s love? You’ll have to read Someone To Trust to find out.
This really is the best time to give yourself the gift of forgiveness. We are truly the benefactors when we choose to forgive. And it is a choice – not a feeling.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”
Corrie Ten Boom
The gift of forgiveness and the freedom it brings is immeasurable. It’s liberating; it allows us to unchain ourselves from the past, make peace with it and move forward in our lives.
There are times we choose a gift that we adore but find our loved ones less than enthusiastic upon receiving it. Do we treat God’s gifts the same way?
Well, the most amazing gift I received, the one that boosted my childhood faith and sent four-year-old Kristen dancing about with joy, was somewhat terrifying for my parents. You see, I had been praying for a pony every single night for a year. My parents couldn’t afford a pony. We had no place to put a pony. But their small concerns did not stop my fervent heavenly petitions.
As my fourth birthday neared, the unthinkable occurred. Remember my prayers, so many prayers. Against their wishes, someone randomly gifted my folks with an angry circus pony! Thus, Shortcake entered our lives. She bucked, she kicked, she bit, she reared up on her hind legs and tried to scrape you off her back on fences and tree branches. She galloped off and hid behind terrifying cows. She was a pony and therefore, she was perfect!
When I was searching for a personality for Shelby, my heroine in Chicken Crossing, I decided that just like that wild gift-giver with an extra pony on their hands, my heroine should definitely spend her time gifting unexpected pets to others. Allergic to dogs? No problem. Shelby comes to the rescue with a pair of bald rats!
Clearly, I had way too much fun with that story, but as Shelby learned to trust the Lord’s help and let go of the idea of being the one to rescue everyone around her, I was reminded that the very best gifts are the ones that echo in your heart forever. Sometimes, the best gifts are even the ones that we look upon with suspicion and a fair bit of trepidation.
Yes, that angry circus pony was amazing, but I have received something even more fabulous and much more dangerous. No, this gift never bites or climbs the fence. Although, accepting it does bring its own kind of pain along with the greatest joy.
When God decided to come to us, His gift was met with suspicion, confusion, and fear.
Just like the characters in Chicken Crossing when faced with a gift of bald rats; just like my parents when that biting, kicking, beautiful pony was thrust into their lives; the people in Israel were pretty concerned when their Messiah showed up. He was different than they expected. More dangerous. Demanded different things of them than they were willing to give. I am the bread of life? The greatest of you will be the servant of all? Love your enemies? Yes, there was miraculous healing. Healing of both the body and the heart, but it happened on the Sabbath and for lepers, whores, and tax collectors. What was God thinking? What kind of gift had He sent and how did it fit into an orderly religious world?
But just like my parents built a lean-to in the back yard for that pony and the bald rats and pet chickens in Chicken Crossing eventually found a home, making room for God’s gift is worth the trouble. Now, I’m not saying to accept every gift-chicken that shows up at your doorstep. But when it is God knocking, absolutely rush to the door and usher Him into your world. He knows you inside and out. He has the very best gifts and through the power of His spirit, will steer you in life and love and sacrifice so that you can give the very best gifts to others. Just like God brought my parents to mind when that stranger from so long ago found themselves with an extra pony on their hands. Yes, the God we serve is that powerful and that good. This Christmas, may we all honour God as we lavish gifts upon each other. But if your gift is a chicken, unexpected puppy, or bald rat; I suggest a great deal of prayer before you give. May your gifting reflect your Lord and always honour Him.
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What is Chicken Crossing all about? I’m glad you asked …
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The machinations of poultry are difficult to decipher. Add an infuriating youth pastor, a terrifying crash at highway speeds, and trap-building kids too bored for their own good and you have something a little more serious than a knock-knock joke.
After the local librarian foolishly agrees to haul a trailer full of chickens over the pass, an unexpected crash sends fifteen beloved hens scattering into the wilderness. Shelby and the exasperating Jack must locate, capture, and return the chickens to his nephew before the talent show at the boy’s new school on Monday. The problem: chickens are incredibly difficult to catch. Especially when dispersed throughout the wild. When they take refuge in a coop occupied by twenty identical hens and guarded by multiple NO TRESPASSING signs and a pair of bored mountain children who have been watching way too much TV, tensions rise and feathers fly. Can Shelby thwart an alarming collection of unlikely traps and find the chickens before they are devoured? Imagination and ingenuity go so very wrong in this epic clash of inventive child verses accidental chicken thief.
Wondering what Dandelion Floofums was up to during Shelby and Jack’s insane quest? Find out here!
Kristen joy Wilks
Kristen Joy Wilks is an author, camp photographer, and mom of three teenage boys. She writes about what she loves: the quiet of the forest, the ill-considered schemes of unstoppable children, and the love of loyal pets who will never leave your side … as long as you pack bacon! Follow Kristen on Instagram, Facebook, or try one of her chicken-themed books for free by signing up for her newsletter at kristenjoywilks.com.
I know the story. I know it so well that it’s in danger of losing its wonder. My busyness commemorating the holiday season combined with the cares of this world rub the shine off the narrative. If I am not careful, the opening lines of the biblical account will stir little more than the warm and fuzzy feelings of a fairy tale. I’m so consumed by the cares of this world that I’m missing the miracle of the season. And I’m not alone.
How many people missed the ancient star declaring the first coming of our Saviour? How many failed to understand and let their daily troubles steal their attention and time? How many are like me, so focused on the issue in front of me that I fail to look up?
As angels prepared Mary and Joseph for the unbelievable events about to unfold, as the heavens announced Christ’s arrival and led wise men to worship Him, the rest of the world carried on as usual. They travelled, made dinner, and fulfilled their daily obligations, not hearing the cosmic announcement that followed 400 hundred years of heavenly silence. It came when no one expected it, and no one was looking for it.
Another cosmic announcement will come. It will come when no expects. It will come when no one is looking up to see the signs in the sun, moon, and stars (Luke 21:25). We’ll be travelling, making dinner, and fulfilling our obligations when the heavens will shout of another monumental arrival. It will bring not a baby’s cry but a nation’s wail (v25-26).
The natural disasters and fearsome circumstances that unfold as a prelude sound an awful lot like creation’s present-day groaning. Distress and anxiety abound as people, families, and entire communities fear what might be coming next. But Jesus says, “Straighten up, raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near” (Luke 21:28).
Redemption. Such a sweet word for a weary world. A gift for my exhausted soul. There is hope in the hardship because that is the message of Christmas. Christ came for the broken and weary. Christ not only came; He is coming back.
Jesus goes on to command his followers in Luke 21:34-35 to “watch themselves” because if they don’t, his return will surprise them. Jesus warns them of the troubles that can weigh down a heart and explains the dangerous consequences of failing to watch. Dissipation (i.e. overindulgence) and drunkenness are distractions to remaining watchful. In many cases indulging in the first causes the second. But Jesus also references the cares of this life as a distraction. When the trouble surrounding us, the uncertainties and anxieties, and our daily responsibilities consume us, we risk missing the signs that redemption draws near. We miss the signs of hope and only see the evil.
When evil steals all the security this world has to offer, and the best doctor has no hope, when the bank account is empty, when the illness is fatal, or the accident is life-changing, look up. Fix your gaze on the Light—set on the unchanging security found in a right relationship with God. When Christ entered our world, He scattered the darkness, making the night is as bright as the day because He is the light. He holds us. His right hand guides us. When the cares of this world press in, lift your heads and fix your gaze upon Him.
Glorious Surrender, 2nd ed
Glorious Surrender includes five mini-studies to aid you in looking up to watch and be ready for Christ’s return. Our redemption draws near!
Jesus says to straighten up, raise your head, and watch. Another command arrives in Luke 21:36, “stay awake at all times, praying for the strength to escape what will take place and to stand before the Son of Man.” Praying for God to once again provide a way through the chaos and turmoil coming our way.
God provided an escape from our soul-crushing brokenness that first Christmas morn. The angels proclaimed that salvation had come. The flesh-wrapped Deity bore the brokenness suffocating you and me, and He will come again to piece us back together with His perfection. He doesn’t always change our circumstances. The prophecy is clear. Trouble is coming for all the earth. But Christ always changes us. Christ has come, and Christ will come again.
What cares are weighing you down? What wearies your heart? Straighten up and raise your head. Your redemption draws near.
