It’s the call every parent fears. There’s been an accident. Time moved too slowly and too quickly. The flashing lights. A totalled vehicle. A flood of emotions. Things are replaceable. People are not.
It was two days later that the anger hit.
It snuck in as a delayed response to trauma. I didn’t know—or expect—that I would be angry.
The Many Faces of Anger
I was angry about a mistake that could have cost a life. Angry about the stress and anxiety it introduced. Maybe even angry at God for letting it happen. Even this, I knew, was grief working its way out in me. But the knowledge didn’t bring instant relief. I still needed to find a healthy way to process my anger, but I didn’t want to deal with it. Not really. It was easier to feel angry than afraid of how quickly life can change and how powerless I am to stop it.
How Does a Person Stop Feeling Something?
Anger is a complicated emotion. Underneath its umbrella pulsed the specifics driving my feelings. I felt vulnerable, overwhelmed, and anxious. These all manifested as anger. I reached out to my community and asked them to join me in praising the Lord for physical protection and praying against sinful fear taking hold. I shared my coping strategy (I was doing the things I knew I was responsible for doing and praying over the things I had no control over).
As I did this, doubt whispered in my ear, “What good is this? It won’t help. Nothing will change.”
The Enemy is a Liar
In case you didn’t know it yet, the enemy is a liar. It was good. It did help. And I changed.
I have no way to explain the peace that slowly descended over my heart except to declare God is good, gracious, and full of mercy. As I continued to widen the circle of people praying, the consequences were not removed. The circumstances didn’t change, but the prayer changed me. I confessed my vulnerability to the Lord and focused on His immutable, unchanging, and loving character. I admitted to feeling overwhelmed but declared I would trust in my almighty, omnipotent provider. I gave God my anxiety and received from Him comfort. I was changed. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).
Less than one week later, I’m relieved to say the anger is gone. When those underlying emotions try to creep back in, I remind myself who God is. And because I know the character of God, I can give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Writing a book is a journey. I know that, yet every time I start a new one, I hope this time will be different. Drafting Out of Time was no exception. There were moments when the words wouldn’t flow, the plot seemed tangled, and doubt crept in, whispering that maybe this book would never see the light of day. I procrastinated writing by baking cakes, completing home renovation projects, and cleaning, all the while thinking about the potential twists and turns and researching the various ways to torment a character. Yet, it was through these struggles God reminded me of the value of perseverance.
The Struggle
Every writer knows the feeling of staring at a blank page and the mocking, blinking cursor. The complex narrative I had envisioned for Out of Time compounded this. It was my most ambitious project to date. As the hours turned into days and days into weeks, frustration mounted. I questioned my ability to finish the book and bring the story to life as vividly as it existed in my mind. I questioned the hours that went into writing, wondering if my time was better spent on something else, something more certain. I wondered if it was time to stop writing.
The Turning Point
Turning to God, I prayed for guidance and patience. I desire to hold all things loose, including my passion for writing. If God was prodding me to move on, I would obey. If God was calling me to persevere, I would hold on. The belief that God had a plan for me and this book instilled a renewed sense of purpose and determination.
Perseverance and Faith
Faith and perseverance are intertwined. When we trust in God’s plan, we find the courage to keep going, even when the path is steep and rocky. Life is full of setbacks, but they are not the end. They are often stepping stones to something more significant. They teach us to embrace the journey, no matter how difficult it may be. They encourage us to keep moving forward, trusting that God leads us one step at a time.
Conclusion
Writing Out of Time was a challenging endeavor, but it was also a lesson in trusting God’s timing and staying committed to a goal I was convinced He’d called me to reach. This month, Out of Time will land on my agent’s desk and the results of this project are out of my hands. Whether it is picked up by a publisher or rejected isn’t for me to decide. I’ve done my part. I pushed forward, writing the best story I could, and sharing the glories of God with my readers. God has a purpose for this story, and my role is to trust in His timing and choices.
Whatever challenges you face, remember faith and perseverance are not traits set aside for Sunday morning services. They should frame every day. Instead of viewing obstacles as barriers, we can choose to see them as opportunities to grow. Do your part. Trust the Lord. Obey His lead. And leave the result to Him.
One of my greatest joys as an author is being able to celebrate the publishing victories of my friends because I know so well the difficult journey from idea to product. Today, I’m celebrating with Marie. You might remember her from some old social media posts. Marie and I attended my FIRST seminary class together five years ago.
Since then, Marie has gone on to write a beautiful collection of devotional-style reflections. Today, she’s sharing one from her new release: Monday Morning Moments. (Isn’t the cover pretty?)
From Monday Morning Moments
I bought this hydrangea plant called “Endless Summer.” I do love hydrangeas, and at present, I have one that blooms beautiful white blooms in the spring and another that blooms beautiful rose-colored blooms in the fall. However, this hydrangea was different because it promised blooms all season long. Continuous blooms from spring to fall? Oh, how I needed this plant.
The other thing that made this hydrangea different from the two I already owned was the color of the blooms were unknown. It would be so neat to plant this beautiful flowery shrub and wait to see the color. The greenhouse where I purchased the hydrangea enclosed a pamphlet with gardening tips and such. The pamphlet stated that the color of the blooms depended on the soil in which the hydrangea was planted. What was inside, and hidden in the ground, would determine the color of the blossoms.
This made me think about my life. It made me think about the soil of my heart. What was deep in the soil of my heart, and what was that soil producing outwardly? I can say with certainty that when my heart has held on to bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, and resentment, the outward blossoms usually produced were hurtful words or actions.
So, what does the soil of your heart look like, friend? What kinds of blossoms are being produced by it?
God’s Word reminds us in Luke 6:45: A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Prayer
Lord, we ask that You reveal the condition of the soil in our hearts. May we be like David and cry out, “Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). Lord, may our hearts’ soil be rich in love, kindness, and gentleness, and may that be expressed through our words and deeds. Amen.
You can find Marie’s book on Amazon (UK), Amazon (CA) and Amazon (USA). Check them out and be encouraged in your walk with the Lord.
The Garden Girls is a psychological thriller/crime thriller by Jessica R Patch that follows Tiberius Granger who works for the Strange Crimes Unit, and this case leads them to the Outer Banks where a disturbing killer is collecting women and imprisoning them in cages.
Why does Jessica R Patch write such macabre stories?
I’ve been asked this repeatedly and it’s a great question! I never tire of it. The Garden Girls is about how the enemy often masquerades as an angel of light. What he offers is packaged pretty. He’s pretty. And once we’re hooked, he imprisons us. Evil isn’t always in red horns with a pitchfork. That kind of evil we’d run from. It’s the pretty we fall for. The seemingly innocent. And that’s what this is about.
My villain is dark but masquerading as light. And yes, it’s disturbing in some chapters. I don’t shy away from the super dark stuff—I’m not super graphic either. I know how to give enough detail that you fill in the blanks and that’s what probably is most chilling—your own imagination! But the reason I don’t sugarcoat or just create villains who shoot at you is because the world is a very dark place. Hearts are dark—including yours and mine. Jeremiah tells us the heart is the most deceptive and desperately wicked. Who can know it? Not us. But God.
God doesn’t sanitize Scripture
In God’s story, He doesn’t sanitize it. He doesn’t edit out the disturbing, uncomfortable details. He doesn’t approve of it. Nor does he endorse it. If you don’t believe me, just read the book of Judges and see what God’s chosen people are doing—how far they’ve fallen. How depraved they’ve become. Rapes. Mutilation. Murder. It’s all in just one story involving a man’s concubine. And while it’s hard to read, it always reminds me of my own dark heart. And the potential I have (and you) to become just like God’s people. The hopeful part is that God uses these severely broken, flawed people to accomplish His redemptive purposes. That means He uses me and you too!
Set free
This story isn’t just a shocking villain doing shocking things. It’s about cages that imprison us and it’s about Jesus opening them up and setting us free. It’s about sacrificial love and surrendering a life to God. And sometimes it takes hurricane force to do it—as in Tiberius Granger’s case. Being raised in a cult will do that to a person. Being raised in a legalistic church can do that to you. Turn you off to the things of God. To relationship. To truth. But God doesn’t give up. He does, however, allow a storm to come to set your straight. And that’s what this book is really about.
You can’t bloom in a cage. You’re planted and rooted in Christ.
Check out The Garden Girls by Jessica R Patch
On a remote Outer Banks island, a serial killer collects his prized specimens. And to stop him, an FBI agent must confront his own twisted past.
FBI agent Tiberius Granger has seen his share of darkness. But a new case sets him on edge. It’s not just the macabre way both victims—found posed in front of lighthouses—are tattooed with flowers that match their names. There’s also the unsettling connection to the woman Ty once loved and to the shadowy cult they both risked everything to escape.
Bexley Hemmingway’s sister has gone missing, and she’ll do anything to find her—including teaming up with Ty. That may prove a mistake, and not just because Ty doesn’t know he’s the father of her teenaged son. It seems the killer is taunting Ty, drawing everyone close to him into deeper danger.
As the slashing winds and rain of a deadly hurricane approach the coast of North Carolina, the search leads Ty and Bex to an island that hides a grisly secret. But in his quest for the truth, Ty has ignored the fact that this time, he’s not just the hunter. Every move has been orchestrated by a killer into a perfect storm of terror, and they will need all their skills to survive…
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:38-42
Our school year began with good intentions. We wanted our children to develop a love for the Lord and a joy for learning. We didn’t want to get swept into discouragement or bitterness or simply be overwhelmed. We planned to model what it looked like to live for Christ, but as task after task fell to us, and child after child pressed those buttons they know so well, we were thrust into a place like Martha, where we were at risk of losing our joy.
Jesus speaks directly to Martha in our passage, and by looking a little closer, we see three things that can help us find our way back to the good and better portion.
First: It is not enough to only welcome Jesus with joy on the first day of school
Martha invited Jesus in. She welcomed him into her house. Martha loves Jesus and she receives him joyfully, but her joy turns bitter when things don’t go her way. So bitter that the Lord found it necessary to correct Martha’s attitude.
This can happen in homeschools. Joy sometimes turns bitter when things don’t go our way. So bitter that the Lord might find it necessary to step in and correct OUR hearts. Yes, He plans to use home education in the shaping and maturing of our children. And yes, He also plans to use home education in the shaping and maturing of us.
Second: Service can be distracting and cause anxiety
It’s quite possible that Martha desired to serve the Lord well using her gift of hospitality, just as we desire to serve the Lord well as home educators. There’s nothing wrong with this heart of service. However, when service distracted Martha from the Lord, Jesus pointed out how she had taken her eyes off the good thing—which was simply being in the presence of the Lord.
We start well. But circumstance has the potential to overwhelm us. So, we dig in, and little by little, we put distance between ourselves and Jesus because we are too busy working for Him to stop and be present with Him and it makes us anxious and troubled.
Third: Jesus is always concerned with the heart
One thing is necessary, Jesus says.
It’s interesting that Jesus doesn’t tell Martha to stop cooking and serving, He simply pointed out the better portion that she had missed. He pointed out the good thing that her sister already seemed to know: We are as close to Jesus as we let ourselves be.
The application here is NOT that all Marthas need to become Marys because the world needs Marthas just like the world needs Marys. The application is examining the overflow from our hearts and answering three questions:
Has my service to the Lord in home education moved me away from or closer to God?
Am I so busy educating my children and scheduling their day that I fail to model what it looks like to be present with God in my day?
Have I lost sight of the bigger picture of what God wants to accomplish through my home school and in my heart?
Whether we worship God through our service like Martha or worship Him through stillness like Mary, we can all choose the good and better portion that changing circumstances or a busy home school cannot take away from us.
Pray:
Lord, help us stop striving for more and more, to stop comparing what you’ve called us to do with what you’ve called others to do, and instead help us understand and celebrate how you have created us to worship you. Lord, we need you to help us choose the good and better portion each day and model it well, not just for the sake of those watching, but for the sake of our own hearts.
Are you in the Hamilton/Ancaster area in May? Are you considering home education? Check out the OCHEC Convention 2024 and be inspired, challenged, and encouraged as a home educator.
*I have the privilege of teaching a workshop titled: Why Do We Fight?
