by Stacey | May 12, 2016 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
Parenting challenging children grows my compassion toward others parenting challenging children
If you parent a challenging child, you’ve likely smiled through unrequested advice, bit your tongue when publicly corrected, and pinched back tears against feelings of failure. You know what it means to give endlessly, sacrificially, and entirely to a child and STILL know your best efforts are inadequate.
This grows your compassion. You have less judgment and more patience than your pre-child self. You have less advice and more empathy. You offer less correction and more grace because you know how desperately you need to hear that grace spoken to you. You do not deceive yourself. You know you need the Lord to parent every day, and you shamelessly share this with other moms, praying they will also turn to Him for their strength.
You learn to celebrate the small victories and know they belong to the Lord
I am not up to the task of parenting a challenging child. Perhaps, that is exactly why God gifted me with one. Every milestone is a victory because that milestone once felt impossible. I’ve learned the important lesson that prayer doesn’t always change my circumstances or change my child, but it will always change me. I’ve accepted this struggle is just as much about my sanctification as it is about rearing my child in the ways of the Lord. I know God desires to do a work in me as I pray for His work in my child.
There is a blessing inside the struggle.
There is a great blessing in the stripping off of independence and the putting on of dependence. Parenting a challenging child is a humbling reminder that all my talents and capabilities are nothing without God. Struggles turn my eyes toward Him, recognizing my complete dependence upon Him to do what only He can replace stubborn hearts with obedient ones—in my children and in me.
by Stacey | May 5, 2016 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
He propped those screws right up against the tire. Three times, they punctured. Three times, we limped our way to the mechanic for a patch. Three times, he saw the damage, the inconvenience, the interruption to our day, but never connected his action to the events until the mechanic handed over the screw.
The brother encourages him to tell, because “it is always better to tell,” instinctively knowing that confession is good for the soul.
He scrounged up all the courage his little frame could muster and spoke the hard-honest truth. It was his fault.
My heart swelled at his courage, his decision to speak and believe what we have been repeating for years.
Our family…
…says what we’re sorry for…
…never stays angry…
forgives.
With trembling lips, he waited to see if our mantra was true. Fearful eyes understood what we didn’t need to say. This was big—bigger than anything he could fix on his own. Worse still, he had no excuse or reason. Equal measures of boredom and curiosity set the plan into motion. Forgiveness, should he receive it, was undeserved, unmerited, and unearned.
Undeserved. He punctured those tires as much as my sin punctured the hands and feet of my Lord. We are both stained with sin.
Unmerited. Grace is the unmerited favour of God toward me. Grace is the best response to his hard-honest confession. He might not deserve it, but one thing I know for sure is that I certainly don’t, yet here I am, drenched in God’s grace.
Unearned. Even with all the coins in his piggy bank, he couldn’t pay for those three patches. It had to be done for him. And even with all of humanity’s good works stacked from bottom to top, the price of sin is still more. It has to be paid for us, for me.
Together we stand as recipients of undeserved, unmerited and unearned forgiveness. Praise the Lord!
by Stacey | Apr 28, 2016 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
Lie #1: Right parenting produces God-fearing children.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Ripped out of context, Proverbs 22:6 wields a weighty punch that sucks the life out of many desperate parents. If my child is not walking with the Lord, I failed to train him/her in the ways of the Lord. It is all my fault. Or, equally incorrect, I can manipulate my child into a right relationship with God by ensuring I parent ‘right’.
Proverbs 22:6 is a principle, not a promise. It can be a great encouragement because it is generally true, like many principles in life. But it is not a promise. No one can do anything to guarantee another person will know the Lord as Saviour because the softening of a heart to the gospel, the turning from darkness to light, is a complete work of the Lord.
Lie #2: It is my fault if my children don’t ‘turn out’ right.
We live in a culture that tends to blame mom and dad for EVERYTHING. Granted, there are many times a parent does negatively impact their child. Parental hypocrisy can hinder a child’s acceptance of the gospel. A parent who exasperates a child or belittles a child may find their off-spring is not eager to embrace God because they don’t understand grace, having never experienced it. Parents will give an account for their actions—including how they parented.
Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
But much like lie #1, this lie also fails to account for the sovereignty of God. The sovereignty of God will ALWAYS reign supreme over my ability to parent. There is nothing that I can do that will derail God’s plans for my children. Just as my children are not guaranteed a right relationship with God because of me, they may also enter into a right relationship with God in spite of me. God is sovereign over all.
Lie #3: The goal of parenting is changed behaviour.
Wrong. The goal of parenting is changed hearts.
Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.”
Romans 10:10, “with the heart one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.”
Wait – didn’t I just write that a parent cannot change their child’s heart? Correct! You cannot change the condition of your child’s heart. That is a supernatural event powered by the Spirit of God. You can, however, create an environment that glorifies the Lord and prioritizes obedience to the Spirit’s prodding.
You can be receptive to the correction of the Word of God in your life and hold it in high esteem. You can model a lifestyle of asking for and offering forgiveness. You can understand that it is unlikely that you will stimulate godly changes in your children if Truth hasn’t transformed you. Become the parent God has called you to be so you are a ready vessel for Him to work through, should He choose to. Stop obsessing about behaviour modification and instead focus on the heart issues that need addressing in your home, including your heart issues.
by Stacey | Apr 21, 2016 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
It started bright, but soon dimmed. It grew dark enough to blind even the most positive heart, pounding in the message that I’m broken and unable. I’m at the exhausted end of myself where my wisdom is foolishness and my strength will fail. My constant need for the Lord is displayed in this internal, age-old war between the spirit and the flesh, between the light and the dark.
And the enemy’s half-truths sucker-punch my soul.
I am broken. I am unable. I am foolish and weak. But that is only half of the truth statement. When my inability meets God’s ability everything shifts. I am afflicted, but not crushed, perplexed but not despairing, persecuted but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed because it shows the world that the surpassing power belongs to God, and that I belong to Him. God can rebuild from my mess. God can make a way where I cannot see one. God provides the strength to accomplish His will and the wisdom I need to discern between His voice and mine.
But, I must seek Him. I must desire the Light.
In those desperate moments when I dip my toes into the water I want Him to part, when I look for the manna I think that I need, when I weep for the mercy that I cannot earn, I must turn my face toward the Light. It is only when I come to the place where I am absolutely and undeniably dependent upon the Lord that my soul is refreshed and given the supernatural ability to not lose heart.
This light and momentary affliction is preparing an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.
This turns my sorrow into to praise, my weeping into to thanksgiving. What I need even more than parted water, more than manna from heaven, and more than a false sense of earned favor is the mercy of God opening my eyes to His truth.
I need this humbling, stripping-off of pride. I need the daily sanding of rough edges and the constant reminder that I accomplish nothing of value apart from Him. I need this broken, tired, and desperate heart to not focus on the things seen, but on the things unseen, on the things that are eternal.
I need more than a fleeting prayer for mercy that never thinks of Him again. I need to work out my salvation, to actively pursue obedience, submerged in His presence and His wisdom. I need to search for Him where He promises to be found – in His living and powerful Word. I need to believe that God’s light shines brightest in the dark, that it is impossible to miss His brilliant presence when I earnestly seek His face, and that when I turn to Him on those darker days, He can scatter the shadows and turn my desperation into praise.
by Stacey | Apr 14, 2016 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
Lie #1: Marriage is about my happiness.
My husband delights me. He really is my best friend and we have a happy, happy life. But if my joy in life rests entirely with him, I am setting myself up for disappointment and setting him up for failure. Marriage takes compromise and compromise is not always pleasant. Marriage requires forgiveness, and forgiveness is hard. Marriage is about working together with the end goal of a union that brings God great glory. So marriage isn’t about my happiness, although it may bring me much. Marriage is about God. It is, in part, about making me more like Christ. It is a sanctifying journey that requires me to love someone like Christ loves me, with endless grace and patience.
Lie #2: I have to feel love to show love.
We have been married for 18 years. My love for my husband has grown and changed over those years. Our marriage could not sustain those electrifying moments of courtship for nearly two decades. No marriage can.
But, my ability to love my husband does not hinge on those feelings remaining or on him reciprocating my gestures of love. It is entirely up to me whether I will act lovingly toward him. The decision to love, even if he is being unlovable, glorifies God and sustains a marriage. And his decision to love me, when I am unlovable, glorifies God. When I serve my spouse instead of complaining about him, when I acknowledge and praise the things he is doing to provide for our family, when pray for him and with him, when I work on becoming the woman God has called me to be, I am showing the world that love is a choice. I choose to never give up on my marriage because Christ never gave up on me.
And if I’m honest, I’m glad we didn’t stay in that crazy, tingling, wonderful dating phase. Our relationship has evolved into something much deeper and far more real than it was when we promised forever. The transition from infatuation to intentional and committed love can be hard for some couples, but marriage is worth fighting for.
Lie #3: My spouse should meet all my needs.
No person will ever meet all your needs perfectly, only Jesus Christ can do that. At some point, my spouse will fail or disappoint me. At some point, I will fail or disappoint him. And when we hurt each other in our brokenness, we can find rest in the One who will never fail to love and understand us exactly as we require. I must find my identity and worth in my Saviour.
Just as no one can eat your food for you, or accept the truth of the gospel on your behalf, no one can love your spouse for you. You are in charge of that decision. Will you decide today to love the partner that you promised forever?
*none of this implies a spouse in an abusive relationship should remain in a dangerous situation. If your partner is harming or threatening you, it is imperative that you find a safe place and seek biblical counselling.
by Stacey | Apr 7, 2016 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
He preached it on Sunday. Do not be anxious. Then, he confessed the irony of his growing apprehension as the Sunday deadline rushed closer. Even the preacher knows anxiety.
But, he knows anxiousness is only a symptom of the deeper problem. The problem isn’t anxiety, he says. The problem is a distracted heart that strays from God and divides the mind. If you seek first God’s kingdom, the Spirit of God is able to refocus the heart on what matters, because life is about more than what worries us. Seek first the things of God over the things of the world.
And now it’s my turn. Without constant monitoring it would be easy to spiral downward with these questions: Am I parenting right? Are the children learning everything they need to know? Do they know how desperately, whole heartedly, and unconditionally I love them?
Will we have enough money to retire? Should we be saving for college? Do we invest, pay down the mortgage, fix up the house, or just give it all away?
Will my second book get picked up? Will the other one, the one that is my heart ripped open and scratched onto paper? What if God says, no? Or worse, what if he says yes and the reviews are horrid???
Seek first the things of God over the things of the world.
God knows what my children need. He gave them to us. Therefore, we are the right parents for these little ones. Will we parent perfectly? No! Can God work through our humble and sincere efforts to glorify Him and steer our children toward Him? Yes! How it is accomplished? Prioritize the things of the Lord.
When I consider the lilies of the field, how can I worry about our future needs? God cares for the sparrows, and He will care for me. Prioritize God and He promises to care for me.
And the book(s)? If my heart is truly in the proper place of desiring to glorify God with my ability, than WHATEVER He decides to do with my offering will be right and enough. Prioritize getting the message right, proclaiming His Word unashamedly and with boldness. God can take care of the rest.
Seek first the kingdom of God, and God not only provides what we need, He is delighted to give us the kingdom.
Seek Him first, in everything.
*Listen to message from Sunday here. It is titled Breakthrough 2
and believe what we have been repeating for years.
