I’ve been asked this before, why do I write Christian romance? It’s a fair question. With all the genres and subgenres out there that move way more copies, why do all my stories huddle together under the smaller, less lucrative umbrella of Christian romance?
It’s Simple
I write romance because our pursuit of human love, in some ways, mirrors God’s relentless pursuit of us. And I love writing stories that show God’s pursuit of His children. He never gives up on us. He never walks away. He never fails.
I believe our world needs clean, wholesome, and God-honoring narratives. It needs stories of purity, characters that honor the Lord, and illustrations of how true satisfaction comes from a right relationship with God and not from a human relationship. We need stories that showcase love thriving within the boundaries God has created and give hope to those who have only known broken love. We need stories of hope. Not hope in the right man, but hope in the Lord.
An Example of Love
In a culture that overflows with poor examples of love, I want to show readers what it looks like when someone cherishes you, what it costs to love sacrificially, and what it means to put someone else’s needs before your own. I want them to see love is worth it, and then set the bar high, refusing the settle for anything less than a partner who loves the Lord completely and loves others more than self.
I want readers to know what real love is so that when cheap imitations arrive with honeyed words and lofty promises, they are wise to its seduction. I want them to want more than crude jokes, filth, and stolen kisses.
When the apostle Paul penned 1 Corinthians 13 to the people of Corinth, he wasn’t penning a sappy Valentine’s Day definition of love. By the time the people of Corinth got to chapter 13, they all knew this was a correction. They were not loving well, so Paul was going to tell them how to change. I want to write stories that reflect this changed love that is determined to love as the Lord requires, no matter the personal cost.
HEA
In this genre, you can count on a HEA, your happily ever after ending—and I like that. But more important than finding her one true love is my heroine’s growth in her walk with the Lord. More important than saving the day, winning the girl, and defeating the villain is my hero’s surrender to God. Yes, I write romance. But the real story is exposing the lie my characters believe about themselves, the world, or God and proving that lie to be untrue. The real story is that God is the Hero, the pursuer of our hearts, and the lover of our souls. The real story is how human love, even the best love story, is only a shadow of the love Jesus has for His bride.
My husband delights me. He really is my best friend, and we have a happy, happy life. But if my joy in life rests entirely with him, I am setting myself up for disappointment and setting him up for failure. Marriage takes compromise and compromise is not always pleasant. Marriage requires forgiveness, and forgiveness is hard. Marriage is about working together with the end goal of a union that brings God great glory. So marriage isn’t about my happiness, although it may bring me much. Marriage is about God. It is, in part, about making me more like Christ. It is a sanctifying journey that requires me to love someone like Christ loves me, with endless grace and patience.
Lie #2: I have to feel love to show love.
We have been married for 20 years. My love for my husband has grown and changed over those years. Our marriage could not sustain those electrifying moments of courtship for two decades. No marriage can.
But, my ability to love my husband does not hinge on those feelings remaining or on him reciprocating my gestures of love. It is entirely up to me whether I will act lovingly toward him. The decision to love, even if he is unlovable, glorifies God and sustains a marriage. And his decision to love me, when I am unlovable, glorifies God. When I serve my spouse instead of complaining about him, when I acknowledge and praise the things he is doing to provide for our family, when I pray for him and with him, when I work on becoming the woman God has called me to be, I am showing the world that love is a choice. I choose to never give up on my marriage because Christ never gave up on me.
And if I’m honest, I’m glad we didn’t stay in that crazy, tingling, wonderful dating phase. Our relationship has evolved into something much deeper and far more real than it was when we promised forever. The transition from infatuation to intentional and committed love can be hard for some couples, but marriage is worth fighting for.
Lie #3: My spouse should meet all my needs.
No person will ever meet all your needs perfectly, only Jesus Christ can do that. At some point, my spouse will fail or disappoint me. At some point, I will fail or disappoint him. And when we hurt each other in our brokenness, we can find rest in the One who will never fail to love and understand us exactly as we require. I must find my identity and worth in my Saviour.
Just as no one can eat your food for you, or accept the truth of the gospel on your behalf, no one can love your spouse for you. You are in charge of that decision. Will you decide today to love the partner that you promised forever?
*none of this implies a spouse in an abusive relationship should remain in a dangerous situation. If your partner is harming or threatening you, it is imperative that you find a safe place and seek biblical counseling.
