“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
We work hard to keep the tone in our home gentle and encouraging, even in the midst of discipline. God’s Word is truth and it applies to both our children and to us as parents.
But, it’s not easy. It’s not easy to keep a gentle tone when one squirms on the floor refusing to put on his shoes when the others are late for appointments. It’s not easy after the fifth warning to quiet down and go to sleep. It’s not easy in the midst of temper tantrums and tears.
But, who said parenting was easy?
So much is at stake.
Their whole outlook on life, how they grow up and treat others, how they relate to people in authority, and what they believe about God is shaped during these early years at home. There is too much at stake to miss the target.
Strength comes from God. He will give me what I need to parent in wisdom, gentleness and love. I know that. I believe it. What scares me, is that I also know myself – my tendency to move ahead of Him, to try it on my own strength first, to rush into my day full of my own plans, trying to control the outcome of, well, everything.
I cannot control the choices my children make. They are ultimately accountable to God. But, by the power of the Spirit, I can control how I speak to them, what I teach them, and the example I set. For this, I am accountable to God.
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. (Philippians 4:5a)”
Sleepy smiles and warm hugs. Family prayer. Snacks and play. But like a cloud slipping over the sun, darkness creeps over little hearts. Gentle correction produces tempers and tears. The easy becomes hard.
Love is patient
Harsh words. Wounded hearts. Growling anger.
Love is kind
Love responds with another hug, even when little arms beat against my chest. Love softens the tone, even when my insides twist in frustration. Because Love never fails.
Never.
Love is patient with the crying child.
Love is kind amid the battle.
Love keeps no record of wrong.
Never.
Oh, how these children keep me humble. Driving me to me knees, where I meet Perfect Love.
And He meets me there, bent low, confessing my sins, my lack, my need.
He is patient. He is kind. He holds me tight, even when I beat against His chest in anger. He speaks truth into my soul. He sheds light into the darkest corners of my heart.
I yield, almost as begrudgingly as my child. Exhausted from the struggle. Ready to listen and repent. He threads His Spirit through me, and by His strength, I respond in love.
My niece just moved in with our family. Here she is unpacking her life.
She had dedicated the next year to her studies. She is spending the next year learning. Learning her craft. Preparing for the future.
When was the last time that I spent a huge block of time solely dedicated to learning? Learning what’s important? Preparing myself for eternity?
What am I learning?
Right here, right now God is teaching me about grace. I am learning about forgiveness. I am learning that things are not always black and white.
I’m learning I don’t need all the answers, I just need to trust God has them and that He’s got my back. That leads to my next lesson. I’m learning about trust.
I’m learning that motherhood is both the most important and hardest role I’ll ever have. And that leads me back to grace.
Did I mention I am learning more about grace?
I’m learning I’m wrong far more than I like to admit. I’m learning that attitude counts for a lot. I’m learning more about the hugeness of my sin and the constant battle between my own sinful nature and the Holy Spirit.
I’m learning I have a lot to learn.
Just when I think I have a handle on it all, God peels back another layer and I see my smallness in contrast to His greatness with fresh eyes again.
I’m learning that I have barely scratched the surface of who God is and what His plan is for my life.
A new year stretches before me. 365 days of opportunity. The blank page full of possibilities. Will this be the year my agent circulates my book among publishing houses? Will my one year contract with the MB Herald be renewed for another year? Will we install new windows in our drafty home?
God willing, it will be a year of hugs, kisses, smiles and laughter.
On days like this, as I ponder the joy of maybe, the awesome responsibility of the absolutes hit home.
I am blessed to have three soft and pliable souls under my care. I don’t wonder if I will mother this year – I know. But the catch is, these kids don’t really belong to me. They are on loan from God. And He really cares about how I raise His kids.
That thought overwhelms. My knees buckle. No knows better than I how unworthy and ill-equipped I am for this task.
God entrusts five additional children to me as their parents work. Five more souls shaped by my responses. My tone of voice. My ability extend grace and love.
My knees ache but I remain. Bowed at His feet. Confessing my need. My lack. Dependent on Him.
This year, this blank page waiting to be written doesn’t need a book, a contract, or windows to be a success. It won’t be limited to kisses, hugs and happiness. There will be tears.
But hopefully, when I sit here next year writing a post at the beginning of 2014, I will not think in terms of achievement. I will think in terms of relationship. Am I closer to God? Do I trust Him more fully? Did I praise Him in the good and bad? Did my example illustrate to my children what it looks like to walk with Him?
You might remember my Thanksliving list – 1000 reasons to be thankful. This year my list is about possibilities. 365 positive choices I can make that God might use to change me or to change those around me. Today is the 3rd day of the year so we start with the top three:
Instead of housework, I spent some time with my youngest playing trains. I pray this time together enforces how much I love him, cherish him and value these short but precious days.
I responded with gentleness. I pray this is how my children remember their childhood. Gentle tones. Loving looks. Peaceful home. Patience. Fruit I desire for them.
We turned off the T.V. and invented. Marble runs. Lego. Snow forts. Snacks. We engaged our imaginations where anything is possible. I pray for the energy to remain involved with my children in a joyful and encouraging way.
Rainy days breed insanity. Maybe it’s being cooped up in the house. Maybe it’s change in the atmosphere. Maybe it’s the crazy mom banging her head against the wall. Who knows?
All I know is the odd rainy day is okay. But string a few together and add three to eight stir-crazy kids and I’m ready to jump onto the back of the loony wagon and hitch a ride to the funny farm.
All it takes for a dreary grey day to dampen my spirit is a few crying kids hanging off my leg, dinner burning in the oven, and endless phone calls.
These crazy moments always seems to coincide with my children wanting extra cuddle time or needing to engage in serious conversation. Some days two hands, two ears, and 24 hours feel dreadfully inadequate!
I regret missed opportunities. I lose my cool when asked the same question for the millionth time. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or settling for too little.
Misgivings like these send me to my knees grateful for grace. Grace that covers all my sins. I know I need to take every opportunity to prepare my children for tomorrow. I know I need to use every moment to reinforce how much God loves them and how He has a plan for their future, a plan only they can fulfill. I also know I accomplish this through His strength alone.
Large decisions loom ahead. Friends. Education. Dating. Spouse. Career. Our kids need self-confidence, faith, and wisdom to navigate through middle school, high school, college, university, and marriage. I will not guide them perfectly because I am not a perfect parent. But I serve a God who is perfect, a God who promises to never leave me nor forsake me, a God who promises wisdom when I ask and delights in my request. God loves my children even more than I do and He longs for me to I bring them before His throne in prayer confessing my inadequacies and claiming His sufficiency.
In chaos of the moment may I never forget God is with me. That doesn’t mean dinner will never burn or my patience won’t run thin. Trust me, it has and it does. It means I have someone to turn too in those hairy moments of life. I have the opportunity model what a real dependence on God looks like.
